You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
