theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
