Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
