When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
