Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
