ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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