ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
