The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
