I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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