why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
