I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
