Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
