i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
