Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
