So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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