I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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