can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
