i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
