She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
