I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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