3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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