In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
