I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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