So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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