My room smells like vodka and shame
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
