Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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