My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
