He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
