Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
