It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
