Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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