i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
