alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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