I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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