So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
