do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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