I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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