have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
