someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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