Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
