So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
