is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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