Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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