dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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