i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
