We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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