remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All the doctor said was why
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
