All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
