All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
this hospital has no fireball
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
