i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
