Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
