we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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