TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
