Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
